Fighting For the Heart – Part II
Part II – Healing For The Injured
There are many ways in which a heart can be injured. Sometimes it is outright physical, sexual, verbal and/or emotional abuse. Sometimes it is neglect. Sometimes blame and shame and false guilt, worthlessness, fears and loneliness, control and manipulation, believing lies, loss of dignity, hopelessness and Spiritual bondage.
In what ever way the injury happened, the results are devastating. Life loses its sense of value. Joy and delight are gone. Hopelessness sets in. Defensiveness becomes the norm. How can healing be found?
We all need someone to care. We need to be the light in someone’s eyes. We need to be held as irreplaceable, without price, priceless and worthy of love and time and affection. We need to see the delight in someone’s eyes and hear it in their voice. We need to sense the genuine, authentic, safe affection of real love. We need to experience the joy of bringing joy to another person. Knowing that they cherish us and value us and long to be with us brings value and meaning to our life.
Is God enough? Does God value us? Does He care about us? Indeed He does all of this and more. He is enough but, He has chosen us as His children to bless His other children by being channels of blessing to them. The blessings of God to us are to be used to bless our brothers and sisters as we have been blessed. Rejection should not be known in the Christian community.
How do you fight for a heart? You stay close and make sure that the person is encouraged and supported. They will not feel valuable. That is your task – to make them feel valuable. They will not feel wanted. That is your task – to make them feel wanted. They will not feel attractive. That is your task – to make them feel attractive. They may hate themselves. That is your task – to give them a sense of self-respect.
They may feel worthless. Those feelings make them undervalue themselves. They then allow people to take advantage of them just to get a little bit of attention. They feel unworthy of receiving blessing or benefit. They are not sure that God could love them. They find ways to make sure that they fail at almost any task. Sometimes they talk too much. Sometimes they will not talk at all. What ever the symptoms, they are needy.
When they insist that they are worthless, you tell them the truth that they are valuable because God made them and loves them and that you love them also. When they insist that they have no value or worth, you tell them how valuable they are. You must be genuine and mean what you say and do. You must support them and as they gain some self-worth you must challenge them to grow and you need to encourage every little step of progress that they make.
What you are attempting to do is to reroute their thinking away from failure into accurate thinking and behaving. They will try to prove you wrong. When you say that they are valuable, they will insist that there is no evidence for that. You, are the evidence. Your love and care become the evidence that they are important, worthy people.
Do not allow them to manipulate you. They may try. You must be strong and committed. Their goal is typically to prove you wrong in any way they can. They have been mistreated and so their thinking is skewed. Your goal is to get them thinking correctly and accurately about themselves and God and others.
Above all, you must be a person of absolute integrity and never use them in any way. No action or thought of yours can be designed to provide some benefit to you in any way. If it does, you have lost the battle for their heart. When they become vulnerable, you stay strong. That is of utmost importance. Can you imagine Jesus taking advantage of Zacchaeus or the woman at the well or any other person for His own benefit? Of course not. Neither can you if you are accurately representing God in this person’s life.