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Lust – A Lady’s Perspective

by on August 11, 2015

From a Sister:
In response to the recent posts about lust:

As a single young lady I wish to share with my fellow brothers and sisters that lust is not only a man’s struggle.

It is understood and taught in our churches that men struggle with lust, untamed-desire, pornography etc. We are taught that this is sin. I agree. But as a young lady I see so often it seems to be overlooked, the fact that women can struggle with lust, desire and the equivalents of pornography.

A guy can choose to look at pornography. A girl can easily turn to romance novels, movies, music etc. which can be found instantly on YouTube or online. To a woman this is pornography. It fills her heart with thoughts, desires and longings that cannot be fulfilled in a godly way. It sets expectations in her heart for a relationship that can never be that perfect. She can easily feed her emotions or desires by watching a couple joy in each other, being intimate, feeling cherished, even though the couple is 100% playacting. This only sows discontent and awakens desires in a girl before God opens that door. I’ve been there.

God has given us each a healthy imagination. We must take every thought captive to Jesus Christ (II Cor. 10:4). The world today has sexualized everything and it is only getting worse. As youth today we must guard our eyes, ears and hearts almost anywhere we go. It’s the saddest when we have to guard them at our own church functions.

In 2015, it is almost impossible to find media that does not involve profanity, immorality, sensuality, sexuality or violence. To top it all off, most of the sexuality that is in movies isn’t between a husband and a wife. Movies are so destructive to a mind that desires to be content, selfless, righteous and pure. Why would we want to bring the immorality and immodesty that we spiritually fight against in the world into our homes through movies and media? How can we say that we firmly stand against the very actions we welcome into our homes through media? This should not be tolerated.

As youth we must take a firm stand on YouTube. I cannot say that 100% of YouTube is evil but 99% of it is. Anything your heart desires can be found on YouTube. Anything. Why play with fire? I believe that every day, the devil tempts hearts and leads them astray through YouTube. Let us remove that influence from our lives.
• Waste of time, time consuming
• Lust
• Immorality
• Addicting
• Violence
• Sensuality

You can innocently search for something wholesome and instantly be tempted with 20 other picture options of quick sinful things to watch.

Media is not the only source of struggle for a girl. It tends to be overlooked or misunderstood that women can be visual people too. The way a man dresses shows much about his heart, just as the attire of a woman can show the intention of her heart. If you have not thought about it before, please think about it now. As a young man, are you trying to keep your body a secret as much as you expect that of the young ladies? Men cannot dismiss the fact that some women can identify with their struggle. Therefore the men must be sensitive about their appearance too: in dress and conduct. Women cannot overlook the man’s struggle. We all must remember modesty in dress, conduct and speech.

Men must realize:
• Women have lust/desire struggles too
• A guy needs to be careful how he dresses (especially in athletic activities), how he sits, how he behaves himself
• Women can be visual too
• A young lady will have a deeper respect for a guy if she has witnessed him guarding his eyes. Testimony: There is something so attractive about a guy that guards his eyes. It makes are girl feel safe and secure, it makes her feel valued far beyond her body. When a man talks to a poorly dressed woman and has the strength to only look her in the eye, a girl’s respect deepens. There is nothing lastingly attractive about a man that is undisciplined and lustful.

Women must realize:
• If we expect the guys to guard their eyes, we must guard ours too
• You are not alone
• God made you female, you’re brain isn’t messed up
• There are some women who cannot understand from experience the extent of this struggle, and that’s ok.

As singles we must first have a desire for righteousness. If it is not rooted in the heart, it will not last.

The Holy Spirit within us will guide us and convict us when our thoughts stray. We must recognize that living with years of scattered failures, the devil has most likely pushed on us the lie, that it is impossible to be completely victorious. The Bible says, With GOD all things are possible (Matt. 19:26). The Bible has much to say about guarding our hearts and minds. God does not ask more of us than He is willing to aid us. We cannot do it on our own strength but when we yield our desires, our lives completely to Him and purpose to never quench the Spirit (I Thessalonians 5:19), how can we go wrong!? The power of Christ must flow through us continually. There is no room for carelessness or one more little peek.

I once heard a preacher say, “you cannot feast on things of the flesh and then ask God to help you cultivate a pure mind.” It doesn’t work like that. God will help us but we have to do our part. I think that many individuals (men and women) have tried this, but when you think about it, it is quite contradictory. You cannot serve two masters (Luke 16:13).

We must cultivate dedicated hearts that refuse to relax in the area of personal purity. We must dismiss the evil thoughts. Fill our minds with scripture and God-honoring songs. When we go in our mind where we wouldn’t go in real life; that is sin.

We must recognize:
• YouTube(movies) is the devil’s workshop
• Lust is sin. It may be very common, but that does not make it ok.
• Just because our peers or church leadership don’t know, doesn’t make it ok.
• Just because our church leadership does not seem to care, doesn’t make it ok.
• God sees, He knows, and He cares.
• He is a just God that will judge our thoughts, actions and motives.
• God desires to see us walk in victory. He will help us.
• Sex is a beautiful thing designed by God. Perverted talk should not be a part of a Christian’s speech.

In my life, accountability has been huge. I thought for the longest time that I was the only one. That something was wrong with me because apparently only men struggled with this and I did not know of any other young women who were fighting the same battle as me. I chose to be vulnerable many times. I shared my struggle with those who could not relate, until one day I found a friend that understands what I’m facing. Be vulnerable with those people you trust. You may not know now that your best friend has your exact same struggle. (My best friend and I were friends for an entire year, before we discovered our mutual weakness). I will also make a note here: if someone asks you to keep them accountable, (whether you have the same struggle or not) be willing to keep them accountable, support them with prayers and ask them the hard questions. You may not completely understand their struggle, but be willing to walk with them, fight with them and help them walk in righteousness.

Accountability:
• You are not alone
• Prayer support
• Moral support
• Someone to help carry the burden
• God has given us each other

1. Recognize that God can and will give us the strength to say No to the flesh
2. Understand that God never stops fighting with us. We are the ones who make the choice to give up, give in or doubt the power of God.
3. God loves to work with a surrendered, obedient, open and willing heart.
4. The devil will not stop attacking us until he sees that His lies aren’t persuading us anymore. That takes time and endurance. Ultimately the devil will try to win us over to his side until the day we die.

Personally, I can say that I am still on this journey. I learn, I understand, I fight, I fall, my Savior cleanses me, a dear friend of mine walks beside me and picks me up. I can say though, that there is great joy in choosing victory. The devil makes the flesh seem so appealing, and it is fun for a season, but it doesn’t last. Galatians 6:7 says, “Be not deceived, God is not mocked, for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”

A guy wearing tight clothing that displays his body (purposefully or not) is no different than a girl wearing a tight outfit that flaunts her figure. I have talked to some women who don’t get it. I have also talked to women who understand completely and wish that the men understood. For this cause, I write.

Let us love one another and be sensitive to each other’s weaknesses and understand that we’re all facing something.

God does not expect perfection. He loves you. You are His son or daughter. God wants us to follow after Him with our whole heart. If you feel like the prodigal son selfishly doing your own thing, turn around, the Father is watching for you and He will receive you with open arms.

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