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Abuse the Tragedy – Part IV A – Girls and Women

by on March 27, 2016

Abuse the Tragedy – Part IV A – Girls and Women
Ways in which abused people tend to respond to the abuse

Girls raised with or who have experienced (especially sexual) abuse can react in several ways.

1.-One way is to fear and hate men. This attitude can be generalized to all males. At the same time many of these girls also experience the normal attraction to boys and want to marry. They frequently desire affection and enjoy physical closeness. In marriage they crave affection but react when their husbands initiate sexual intimacy because of painful associations. They need long-term gentle closeness and assurance of love.

2.-A second way is to think of themselves as “damaged goods” and, not seeing a reason to return to integrity and wholeness, they continue to allow themselves to be used by men. These girls may have adopted an identity of worthlessness. In every relationship and especially in marriage they need much assurance that they are accepted and that they are beautiful and that they are loved and cherished by their husband.

3.- A third way is to become totally withdrawn and fearful. These girls may turn to same-sex activity because it feels safe. They need long-term safe relationships with Godly people and especially with Godly men to restore trust.

4.-A fourth way is to become openly angry and hostile and verbally abusive to their environment. Sometimes, in this hostility, they use their body in revenge against men- to make fools of men and ruin marriages and charge men money for their attention. They need Godly men who are strong enough to reject their improper advances and can show them real love and treat them like the ladies they are.

5.-A fifth way is to allow themselves, or try to make themselves, to become unattractive to men (clothing, eating habits, behaviors, etc) that they hope that no man would want them. They need to be told and treated as beautiful and useful and valuable and helped to adjust their thinking to reflect the view that God has of them, so they can drop their defenses and accept God’s redeeming love.

6.-A sixth way is to marry but to not allow their body to respond to their husband. They need long-term gentleness and kindness so that painful memories can be replaced by new, healthy, loving ones. They need to realize that they are not responsible for the way they were treated earlier. They need time to adjust to patient, loving experiences with their husband as they learn to trust him. They also need to sense the forgiveness of God for any false guilt or blame they may be carrying.

7. A seventh way is for the abuse to create a fixation with behaviors. Sometimes the abuse produces physical pleasures along with the pain of violation. This can cause fixation with seeking sexual stimulation. These are conflicting ideas. They find it painful but at the same time may experience emotional and physical pleasure. The desire to be held and loved, while inappropriate, can be perceived as love. Their mind can become confused about the experience and have difficulty in finding normal behaviors. They need the healing and redemption from God their Father.

8. – A eighth way is to find healing in God and Godly men who can be trusted so that new associations can be made and wholeness can be restored over time as painful memories are replaced by/warm, safe, strong loving experiences.

Note: These girls are often perplexed about why the abuse happened: “was it the way I walked, dressed, talked, combed my hair; was at the wrong place at the wrong time…? They lose their innocence. They are over-powered by physical strength.

Why didn’t someone protect me? Many times someone could have intervened or at least provided safe places but did not. That fact can be more painful than the abuse itself.

They often experience guilt and shame for all of life if no healing is found. This is beyond sadness. They were not protected. That is beyond sadness. But, they can be healed. God in Jesus Christ and His Church can bring restoration. God’s people sharing God’s love can and will bring redemption to those who hurt.

Can healing be found? Healing can be found. It can be found in Jesus Christ and His love and acceptance. God can restore – God can restore 1000 fold– “Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere” Psalm 84.

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