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Fighting for the Heart X. Connecting and Sharing


Fighting for the Heart X. Connecting and Sharing

Much of the time people just need connections. They feel disconnected from life and they long for meaningful connections with God and with other people. We need to help them connect to good people who can bless them.

Help them be the type who can connect with others. Show them the value of such connections. Help them overcome the fears of closeness. Then you will be blessed for blessing others. Become an advocate for the hurting hurts who need connections.

Those connections help them gain a sense of value. That value will translate into energy to live well and invest in others without fear of rejection because they feel safe because they are safe. Those safe relationships will produce value in them as they find themselves in meaningful connections with other people.

So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us. -I Thessalonians 2:8

We share the gospel but we also share our own souls with those who are ‘dear unto us.’ That sharing makes people ‘dear unto us.’ We connect with others by sharing ourselves: our stories, our faith, our love, our longings, our fears, our failures and successes. This sharing helps to overcome loneliness and it builds fellowship. We have affection to others and desire fellowship with them. That creates connection. They feel the love and longing we have for them.

Connecting is so vital for all of us. God connected with His creation in the Garden of Eden and has ever since. He is longing for connection with us today. We connect with Him by sharing His love with those He places into our lives.

People hurt because they are not connected. Connect with them and connect them to God. Love them as God loves them. Share your journey with them. Walk and talk with them like Jesus did. Your love is more important than your knowledge or your skill. Love opens the door to connection. Connection opens the door to God.

Fighting for the Heart IX. Fight for hearts that are fighting against themselves


Fighting for the Heart IX. Fight for hearts that are fighting against themselves

And the Lord’s servant must not strive,
But be gentle towards all,
Apt to teach, forbearing,
In meekness correcting them that oppose themselves;
If peradventure God may give them repentance unto the knowledge of the truth,
And they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil,
Having been taken captive by him unto his will.
II Tim. 2:24-26 (ASV)

Many people are their own worst enemy. Lack of healthy upbringing and lack of Godly counsel and experiencing abuse of various kinds can produce a life devoid of self-acceptance. These people need so much love and care. Satan has deceived them to believe lies about themselves. God is calling us to bring healing to them by personal investment of truth and love.

We need to get in the way of the evil of the wrong thinking in people’s minds and lives. We can help people to not continue thinking in wrong ways. Bring correction to their thinking and so deliver them from Satan’s lies. Only God can deliver them but we can bring God’s truth and love to them.

Begin to challenge their thoughts and behaviors gently and clearly. We can speak truth and love into their being. We can patiently teach them the love and truth of God.

We have the opportunity, as friends, to risk and show them that real men/women do exist and that those men/women will speak truth and love into situations to bring healing that can only happen in a Godly atmosphere.

We can challenge their behaviors relative to their dysfunctional approach to life. They can learn to stop the negative self-assessments. Those negative thoughts are lies from Satan. They can, then learn to see themselves the way God sees them – loved and valuable. God’s love and truth can flow through us to them until they are able to accept it directly from God.

Help them pursue more rewarding relationships instead of the ones they are trying to fix (family, etc) so they can develop confidence in their ability to follow God’s leading in those details. Fixing can absorb all of their energies and they have little energy left to develop healthy relationships.

Many people live their lives trying to fix their past and their home of origin. They recreate the situation in their own lives by marrying someone like their opposite gender parent. They then proceed to prove to the world that they can fix the situation in which they grew up by creating a perfect life. They take control. Failure is almost guaranteed.

Many times, hurting people turn to control to feel safe. By the use of controlling behaviors they retain a sense and image of control while actually being out of control.

They also can be self-destructive. This is not always because they really dislike themselves (although that can be possible) but it is because there is something in their life that they instinctively know should not be there. They are intent on destroying that factor and in the process their behavior can be very harmful to themselves.

If they continue to take charge indiscriminately they will find themselves failing at life’s challenges. They need to learn to accept help from Godly friends and to depend on God for what they cannot control. Counseling can help them to be vulnerable and at the same time, be strong because they are safe.

Be reflective – listen; and then be directive – gently with love and meekness. Their safe places have not always served them well as they never do long-term. They need to see that they are safe where ever they are because God is there with them. Meanwhile, be a safe place for them to freely share their hurting heart.

They will deal with fears – that is normal. We can help them see that ‘fear brings pain’ which they probably experience to a greater or lesser degree. People like that tend to turn away from real help and turn to wrong kinds of people who cannot help them. We have the opportunity to be a more active part of their life (and the lives of many others) to build health in their lives by gently sharing truth – John 8:32. The love of God flowing through us can bring healing for their pain.

Satan has told them lies and they have believed the lies. We can direct and guide and speak truth into their lives. But only God can give them repentance and become the Truth that sets them free from the snare of Satan. They can turn from the will of Satan to accepting the will of a loving God who is their way their truth and their life.

God bless you as you see and meet these hurting people and as you speak and live love and care into their lives. Fighting for their hearts means hating the lies they believe and fighting the enemy who places those lies there. It also means fighting to protect the hurting heart until it can heal and be stop fighting against itself.

Garden of Eden – Reenacted


Garden of Eden – Reenacted

Over and over again the Garden of Eden is reenacted. The LORD God told Adam what to do and what to not do. When tested, Adam listened to Eve instead of obeying the voice of The LORD God.

God speaks to men and tells them what He wants them to do and what He does not want them to do. It was Adam’s task to instruct Eve in the Word of The LORD God. Either he did not do that adequately or she did not accept it as truth to be followed. In any case, she did not obey what God required. Adam, then sinned willfully by also eating the offered fruit.

This is not blind, blistering, blathering patriarchy. This is obedience to the will of the Father. God breathed into Adam the breath of life. Eve’s life came from Adam. We are inextricably bonded together, but the man is the head of the woman. That is what the Bible says and it is what it means.

For man is not from woman, but woman from man.
Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.
For this reason the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord.
For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman;
But all things are from God.
I Corinthians 11:8-12

There is no difference in value between men and women. They are equal. The difference is in function. Women are not to assume authority over men.

Men, we are to wash the women in our lives with the water of the Word. In-other-words, we are to be the Spiritual leaders in the home and the Church.

Men, what are you doing? Are you living in absolute integrity? Are you bringing the Word of The LORD God to your wife and family and all other persons in your life, or, are you listening to the voice of Eve.
God can and does speak through Eve. He can speak through your wife, mother, sisters, and other women in your life. But, it is your responsibility to know when that is happening and when it is not happening.

Women who are controllers are the scourge of our communities. Men love to have it so. It takes the weight of duty off of your shoulders and allows “Eve” to make the decisions and plans. That is wrong. It is your fault. You are wrong. Grow up. “Eve” is not the head of your life. She is the ‘suitable helper’ God made for you.

You are passing on a flawed legacy of sinful behavior. You are passing on a faulty legacy of lack of responsibility and lack of courage and lack of discernment and lack of integrity. Your sons see your behavior and reenact the story of the Garden in their own lives and marriages. Your family needs your guidance. You are raising a generation of confused children. Your sons do not know how to be men. How would they? Where would they learn it? Your daughters are not learning how to be women. How would they? Where would they learn it?

Stop playing the old script over and over again. It is a broken record. It did not work then and it will not work now. When “Eve” speaks and you know it is not God speaking; listen and obey the voice of The LORD God instead. You will be blessed. Your wife will be blessed. Your family will be blessed. The world will be blessed. The Church will be blessed. And the LORD God will be honored.

Fighting For the Heart VIII. Safe Places


Safe Places and Emotional Healing

All persons have need for safe places
Those places must be free from danger and invasion
Those places must provide both love and truth
If they do not, they eventually become harmful places
Truth and love must be provided together to build the person
Truth mentors us while love makes us safe
Truth creates growth and makes us strong to face battles, internal and external

If that does not happen –
The safe places can become their own bondage
Like Israel in Egypt – they no longer wanted freedom
Bondage was safe and secure – the food was great
Freedom had the high price of responsibility – they were afraid
Freedom can scare you

People tend to bond with truth and love that they find in another person
Because that person can be trusted – they provided something needed
People tend to remember those who brought truth to their lives
They find safety there
They find love there
They find healing there
They find truth there
They find security there

Bonds created by love and truth will strengthen over time
Bonds created by love alone will weaken in time
Bonds created by truth alone will weaken in time
Long-term love frustrates if it is not bonded with truth
Long-term truth hardens if it is not bonded with love

Only God’s truth can destroy the lies and half truths of Satan
Truth must be repeated until the lies are defeated and replaced with truth
Truth must be displayed until the lies are destroyed and life is changed
All love is God’s
All truth is God’s

Sometimes love is the only language people can bear until they are strong enough to hear truth. Introduce truth gradually without taking the love away.
Safe love is the prop that holds them up until they can endure sound teaching.

Safe places also serve as props until hurting people can survive on their own.

Non-directive, reflective, approaches are useful for understanding
But, directive mentoring must follow the reflective if people are to grow

Directive mentoring allows the person to take the concepts to all of life,
not just to the specific situation.
If people have easy access to safe places with non-directive associations they will move away from directive counselors because non-directive is easier. It allows them to forge their own way instead of taking God’s way. To allow counselees to continue to set the direction when they are clearly not emotionally healthy is to allow them to continue in a self-harming path. Mentors must guide emotionally unhealthy strugglers into paths of love and truth.

Non-directive counseling with love and safe places devoid of guiding truths will eventually cause anger and frustration. This is true because the counselors did not challenge wrong beliefs and did not give counsel that would bring healing. Too many churches are not willing to confront sin and wrong and thus protect the innocent and convict the guilty. Using too much mercy is destructive to the perpetrators and to the victims.
Long-term reflective responses eventually produce anger in the counselee because they eventually discover that the counselor withheld truth that could have set them on a path to freedom.

We expect physicians to use their expertise and ability to treat or excise the disease. That requires surgery and skill. Blessing people is no different. Skillful in the Word is the task we need to apply – apply appropriately to the individual situation and bless that person with God’s truth.

Direct people to God – He is the only really safe place.

You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.

Our homes and Churches should be the safest places anywhere on earth

Blessings as you provide safe, reflective places that prepare people for the truth of Biblical direction.

Fighting for the Heart VII. Scripture


Fighting for the Heart VII. Scripture
Romans 15:13-14 is the Christian counselor’s Bible instruction
-Give hope – speak God’s words of hope to the hurting person
-Show them how to believe – that will give them joy and peace
-Share with them the power of the Holy Spirit as taught in the Scripture
-Be filled: with goodness and knowledge so you have integrity and truth to offer them
-Admonish – gently place truth into the stressed mind of the struggling person

Malachi 4:5-6 is the picture of God’s plan for hearts. Fathers are the key. Bio fathers and Spiritual fathers are the key. Paul said, you have many teachers but not many fathers. We need fathers who have the hearts of their children. That means time and interest and caring. That means Spiritual nurturing and being an example of doing right under all and every circumstance. That means instruction in Godly living. That means commitment to truth and love.

Grace or Wickedness


Grace or Wickedness

Let grace be shown to the wicked,
Yet he will not learn righteousness;
In the land of uprightness he will deal unjustly,
And will not behold the majesty of the LORD.
Isaiah 26:10

We all need grace. But grace can be abused. If our hearts are not accepting of the abounding grace of God, we will not learn from it but will continue in wicked and unrighteous living.

The blessing of grace can be used to continue in sin and we will never see the majesty of the LORD who granted us the reprieve and the grandeur of His grace.

Proverbs 17:6


Children’s children are the crown of old men;
And the glory of children is their fathers.